Thursday, October 25, 2007

Utah.....Brilliant

After catching some sleep the past two nights in the renegade rental car, we took a night near Grand Junction at a hotel. It ate up the last of the credit card. We watched the Rockies. Pity they lost, but watching Josh Beckett is amazing. Rockies have a chance of surprising but I wouldn't bet that way.

My sister called me on the cell phone last night at 3:00 A.M. For some reason I left it on and laying on the other bed in the motel room. God bless her. And God bless my mother. They'll both be fine. I guess I should have disappeared for a few months years ago. Twenty-twenty hindsight, huh? She understands, I think, how important I was to the whole equation. Ah, too little too late. I'm tempted to check out the old house tonight. Down to my last hundred so I may as well blow into Denver.

You know I've had a good run. Lot of great moments with the City, playing poker, dating. Had some shots at online poker. The booze always got in the way, with poker and the City. But, leaving the job was the final nail in the coffin. I had a shot in early April to turn it around. Get help, dry out, straighten out. I passed. As long as I can get some money the lure of poker beckoned. So it goes.

It was all part of the plan though wasn't it? Lose money, discard the job, suicide. It's about the pain of living. The lack of courage to go on. Coward? Most definitely. But, yet, if it's not meant to be then it's not meant to be. I've lived to see the Rockies play in a World Series. I've been wanting to die for twenty years or more. The plan is working. LOL.

Anonymousbuyer, alas, is a terrible friend. He finds it nigh impossible to ask for help from frat buddies, college buddies, etc. It would just prolong the pain of living. Grace, my sister, be strong as I am unable. Good luck. I may see tonight's game 2. Unfortunately, just as the Rockies were locks againt Philly and Arizona, the Sox are locks against the Rockies. I hope I'm wrong.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Nevada State Highway 50

Well, we drove almost one thousand miles in the last day. Southern Oregon to eastern Nevada. Highway 50 is the shorter way to Colorado if you're heading towards Denver. And it is desolate. They call it the "Loneliest Road in America", or something like that. We find a brilliant beauty in all that desolation, literally a straight ribbon of road stretching out before you. Interrupted by the occasional pass. Guess we can make it back to Denver, but it will be close. Down to our last couple hundred. Yet ending the enterprise, careening off into some abyss, still beckons like a siren's call. It's sad to comtemplate such a fate. I've really screwed things up mightily. Still, though, there is hope....

Monday, October 22, 2007

It's been a blast (I think)

Thanks much to everyone. The Pacific coast is lovely this time of year.