Utah.....Brilliant

After catching some sleep the past two nights in the renegade rental car, we took a night near Grand Junction at a hotel. It ate up the last of the credit card. We watched the Rockies. Pity they lost, but watching Josh Beckett is amazing. Rockies have a chance of surprising but I wouldn't bet that way.

My sister called me on the cell phone last night at 3:00 A.M. For some reason I left it on and laying on the other bed in the motel room. God bless her. And God bless my mother. They'll both be fine. I guess I should have disappeared for a few months years ago. Twenty-twenty hindsight, huh? She understands, I think, how important I was to the whole equation. Ah, too little too late. I'm tempted to check out the old house tonight. Down to my last hundred so I may as well blow into Denver.

You know I've had a good run. Lot of great moments with the City, playing poker, dating. Had some shots at online poker. The booze always got in the way, with poker and the City. But, leaving the job was the final nail in the coffin. I had a shot in early April to turn it around. Get help, dry out, straighten out. I passed. As long as I can get some money the lure of poker beckoned. So it goes.

It was all part of the plan though wasn't it? Lose money, discard the job, suicide. It's about the pain of living. The lack of courage to go on. Coward? Most definitely. But, yet, if it's not meant to be then it's not meant to be. I've lived to see the Rockies play in a World Series. I've been wanting to die for twenty years or more. The plan is working. LOL.

Anonymousbuyer, alas, is a terrible friend. He finds it nigh impossible to ask for help from frat buddies, college buddies, etc. It would just prolong the pain of living. Grace, my sister, be strong as I am unable. Good luck. I may see tonight's game 2. Unfortunately, just as the Rockies were locks againt Philly and Arizona, the Sox are locks against the Rockies. I hope I'm wrong.