"Anyway, it strikes me as absurd and rather obscene, this whole cosmetic and medical industry based on lust for youth, age-fear, death-terror. Who the hell wants to live forever? Most of us, apparently; but it's idiotic. After all, there is such a thing as life saturation: the point when everything is pure effort and total repetition."---Truman Capote, Self Portrait, 1972

In sorting through my books I've discovered some interesting stuff. The above quote is from a Capote collection of mostly previous pieces. This came out before the chapters from "Answered Prayers" appeared in Esquire and made him person non grata among his 'swans'. I've also been reading a little from Whittaker Chambers' "Witness" and another related history of Hiss-Chambers entitled "Seeds of Treason". Worth revisiting. To think that I was hassling Sender Garlin in the UMC back in 1986 over his pipe smoking! The very same Sender Garlin who playing a key role as Chambers became a Communist. Chambers talks, at the end of his life, of a certain weariness.

Am I too young to feel weary, to feel that life is now just pure effort and repetition? That's what I felt at the City: Everything had been done. Bids consolidated, contracts executed. Good results, even if the process was not always entirely according to Hoyle. Nothing interesting left to accomplish. I guess that's also a reflection of my increasing depression. I had always had a certain amount of freedom and leeway in working. Then, suddenly, the whole office was engulfed in supervisors, both of whom are decidedly mediocre. One is hard worker but the other is just a reliable slug. Good gals, though. And that little purchasing department is now so overstaffed it boggles the mind. Just imagine all the makework stuff that is necessary to justify those FTEs. They spent hundreds of man-hours meeting on developing a "strategic plan". If there is one it's a well kept secret. And those idiotic meetings on "cost savings" that accomplished nothing. And, now, the next big thing is "strategic sourcing".

November 5, 2003—10:30 am---Took another sip of the rye. I will alternate old overholt with old charter. Keep it “old”. Ten so far this morning. 1A went down in flames. To the victor..the spoils. All that one can do is drink and maybe, then, finally, get me out of here. Word is that Carmen came through surgery very well. Moving toes, talking. Hope she ends up back here eventually. Work is more important than we ever imagine. Diary of a City Worker.
11:15, ah, another sip. As I work a routine fucking requisition. 11:45, ah, another sip. If only the atrium crossover was 5 floors instead of 4. Four has too high a risk of surviving a jump. There would be a nice crowd down there today, something going on.